Six Awkward Moments Of 2011 (That Everyone Retweeted)

It seems traditional at this time of year to recap via blogging all that you have learnt in 2011, from the mistakes you’ve made to the great times you’ve had. But you’re probably not that interested in my bank balance and crippling anxiety regarding my living situation, so I thought I’d do something different.

I spend a lot of time on Twitter, and I’m not even going to bullshit you that when people retweet me it doesn’t feel validating. I don’t have a lot to do daily, so it’s nice that when it comes to interacting with my thoughts, people not only read with their eyes but click with their fingers. Occasionally though I will tweet something completely ridiculous which ends up being the most popular thing I write all week. Here are a few silly examples to round the year off. Goodbye 2011!

Ho Ho Home Is Where The Heart Is

I’m lying in bed watching television, listening to the noises of Skyrim and feeling great. I never really got the point of Christmas. Not enough money for presents and leeching off my parents most of the year means no extravagant gifts for me. I don’t have a big family; at least not one that we’re close to, so the twenty-fifth is usually quiet, punctuated only by bored sighing by me and snoring from my dad. I try to be somewhere else.

This year though, I’m in Bath and I actually feel.. dare I say it.. ‘festive’. There’s a Christmas tree stacked with decorations and the turkey has lasted all week so far. We played poker with pennies last night for hours and I had chocolates for breakfast this morning. It’s funny how ‘normal’ it feels to be around people who were strangers a few days ago. This year feels special. I feel thankful for family, food and fun. Thankful for people who open their doors (and refrigerators) and make others feel welcome.

I want to stay longer but on the other hand, I cant wait to see the cats and begin the long road to dieting. Expect reviews of the tackiest in eighties workout vids. Merry Christmas guys, please be sharing all your tips for weightloss with me now!

On Mental Health

This is a “chiming in with” to this blog post by Ella Shaw. A schizophrenic, “Mr Smith” reportedly called for 478 ambulances in one calendar year due to feeling suicidal. Because of the current mental health system, Mr Smith was not admitted to a place of care and eventually jumped in front of a train. It’s not the most festive story to tell on 24/12, but not everyone is busy thinking about having “the perfect Christmas”. With one in four Britons reportedly suffering from some kind of mental health problem in their lifetime, and with the UK holding one of the highest records for self harm in Europe, it will come as no surprise that for some, this time of the year is no different from the rest of the year. If anything it can be harder.

Beauty And The Geek: Not As Shit As You’d Think

My newest television obsession this week has fast become old episodes of Beauty and the Geek. People who know me quite well might be surprised; whilst I am a fan of trashy tv, I also like calling stuff out which tells people they’re not fine the way they are. And it’s true that at first I thought B&tG was pretty ridiculous. Drew likes Star Trek? Well that’s none of your business, Barbie!

The Missing Citizens

Last Thursday I had my signing on session at the Job Centre. It lasted two minutes. In fact, my contact time with the Job Centre amounts to five minutes every fortnight. If I am late, fail to fill out my form or do not attend an interview then I am not fulfilling my end of the agreement and am given a warning. In some cases my benefits may be cut off. The Job Centre is a place that enables and encourages people into finding paid work, yet all my meetings have amounted to is a couple of signatures recognising that I’ve been applying for three jobs or more each week.

The Unemployed Christmas Party

It’s that time of the year again. After months of seeing the menu stapled to the noticeboard in the staffroom, people in current employment don their sparkly dresses and break bread together for a three course meal, usually provided by the company. Lovely. As the free booze flows, people come out of their shells and even the more reserved of staff find themselves leaning forward, elbows on table, to enjoy a humorous anecdote. There might even be a drunken snog outside by the taxis.

Ten Minutes In The Life Of A New Kitten

Meet Velcro! He is the newest furry feature in my life. We got him from Gumtree off a nice family who got him to pose in a santa suit for the advert. He’s two months old and simultaneously totally mad and affectionate. I have been watching him hunt chewing gum wrappers all day. Whilst I was drinking breakfast I decided to document ten minutes in the life of a kitten.

An Open Letter To The Dicks Who Stole My Bicycle Today

Dear Thieves,

I am writing to you because today I went to collect my bicycle from it’s lamp-post rest-stop and found it gone. I never realised how much I liked my bike until I didn’t have it any more. It’s true, and you might even have overheard me if you are local to Chorlton, that I frequently moaned about having to cycle through rain and wind, and how difficult it was sometimes to push the pedals. However, like hostile siblings I felt that the bond we shared did contain love, even if it wasn’t always obvious.

Why It’s Alright To Spend Your Dole Money On Beer

The official policy of the Job Centre is that it can take ten working days to process a claim. For some people, this can be deadly. I signed up for my state-provided cash on the twenty-fourth of November and am still waiting for my bank balance to rise above £0. It’s a good thing I’ve discovered peanut-butter and jam sandwiches. Some people are lucky and it goes in straight away, but I know at least one person who has had to wait six weeks to receive any benefits because his forms were “lost” (how do you lose electronic forms?) so there’s that. It seems strange because companies wouldn’t pay its employers late. I know we’re not working, but we’re still people with bellies to fill, right?

Personally, I think the service should be smoother. Ten days of mooching off my friends because I have less than a pound in my purse isn’t fun and it’s even worse for people who don’t have that luxury. It seems ironic that claims could potentially be sped up if the Job Centre had more manpower. Just as well these people they are processing claims for aren’t unemployed and seeking work, because that might make life too easy.

Three Things You Can Do With Paper In The Time Of Poverty

My job seekers allowance hasn’t gone in on time (today) so I am annoyed and hungry. Rather than waste six hours on the internet before I am rescued by brilliant mates-who-have-jobs, I have resolved to turn being poor into an “experience”. I don’t have any food, milk or bus fare but I do have a lot of something… paper. This blog post is about me trying to amuse myself with just a sheet of paper and a permanent marker.